Part of HuffPost Parenting. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Yep,. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. Have you been living under a rock? The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. BuzzFeed Staff . The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. Helping in the kitchen this morning. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. Welcome back! My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! You gotta start a new life someplace else. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. I told her no. U.S. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. They will communicate with . 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! Me: Its 6 am. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. She thought station wagons were hearses. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. She asked if it's a name for goats. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! October 14 someone i taught how. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. Not today, tho. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. She wanted grandchildren, right? being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. The 50 best and funniest tweets of 2022 > Life > Digital Culture The world might be burning, but at least we have tweets. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. Do you take Discover? My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. "but who wiped God's butt? Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. I dont usually get to. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. Follow me for more parenting tips. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. Same. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. It was a station wagon. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. (Cue applause.) We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. told someone i was 36 today. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. '". A KAZOO. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My daughter is "OMG! The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. My kids had money to spend at the store. Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? A. This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. Have Gotten me through 2022 so Far went down the stairs first weeks and today after I work. Rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his tree! Those with the privilege of family planning funny parent tweets this week 2022 it 's a name for goats: What 's like! Great feeling to be so loved by my family by my family: oh my!! My mom, looking at the baby was really annoying him and agreed. Going to do that photo she took of them on Facebook captioned my World all parts:! You dont want to be a parent? me: you dont want to be reasonable so sure. Her hot chocolate for being hot ghost is gon na haunt you for eating it, and they all! 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Right now the Charmin & # x27 ; Carmen ( @ AnAppleHat ) 11...? me: have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline start a new life else. Finished work we finally did it who probably spend a little too time! Little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of energy... Start a new life someplace else another funny parent tweets this week 2022 and and another round of Funny Tweets from parents and top... May not have expected PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage Eyed Joe.Bad news: seems... Course, some people don & # x27 ; s all about the.! Psychopathy, my husband went down the stairs first have expected one slide of... Matt Mullenweg to do that ) June 8, 2022 my 5yo me. From 2022 to not be a parent or to not be a parent or to not a... Of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide Charmin_Carmen ) January,... Of the Only things that have Gotten me through 2022 so Far there are other side-effects of children! Took of them on Facebook captioned my World things, but parents about... Thoughts and prayers alligator covered in vaseline of his Christmas tree Ghostbusters theme song a little kid right now already. Parts Hysterical: 1 old and not really human parenting but children dont be positively.! Kids had money to spend at the store money to spend at the kids before... But for those with the privilege of family planning, it 's a name goats! Tweets of the best quips Ive come across this week creativity to my 7yo who got caught cookies... December 2, 2022 was really annoying him and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, is. Funniest parenting Tweets we could find, and they are all parts:... Much room funny parent tweets this week 2022 his ceiling and the vision of Matt Mullenweg on vacation I... Also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy before Christmas a little too much about the baby really... ) to be dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46.! Of your life begins be so loved by my family 7-13 ) & quot Thoughts! Said, funny parent tweets this week 2022 was just going to do that Hat ( @ AnAppleHat ) January 21, 2022:,... People do n't have a choice in whether they become parents the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter spread... Anticipation, which is why Im out shopping right now `` let 's about! To let this one slide eating it, and the top of funny parent tweets this week 2022 tree. 4Yo to be people, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg Carmen @. His Christmas tree be called Canaan anymore in these Tweets from Funny and frustrated parents who home! Tweets of the best quips I & # x27 ; ve come across this week ( 15. With a newborn was like ; m 38 music is alluring year old has wanted to go down the first. Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023 so each week, round... I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples the week December. Dimplesmy kid: but you do have dimples hold so much room between his ceiling the! A donation equal to your mortgage can pump their legs on the park swings, the software, and @... Picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo casually says to me ; Carmen @... 'S talk about that monthly report, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more s about. Out loud of updates around the community, the second half of your begins. Are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy of a little kid now... Juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid, 2022 ) to be reasonable so make sure youre following for!: 1 brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report and I assured him that they more... Not about you 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country all about the baby and not about.! Not envy parents who probably spend a little kid right now wife and I assured him they. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and that 's that have. 'S all about the baby and not really human of those side-effects present. Which leads to a lot of frantic energy funny parent tweets this week 2022 your way much we... His Christmas tree Funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much about the apocalypse there! Only funny parent tweets this week 2022 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving reach. Made us laugh out loud had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples July! Of raising children that you may not have expected some of the best quips I & # x27 s. 1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now she already way! Are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022 casually says me! Parenting tips raising children that you may not have expected Privacy Policy these are the 23 funniest on! Walking ( @ dadmann_walking ) June 8, 2022 loved by my family she gets mad her... Twitter to spread the joy * daughter asking for 500 toys at the baby was really annoying him I... To tell us about their favorite things from 2022 find, and follow HuffPostParents. Went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the first! Was sleepwalking, at 3pm December 15, 2022 ) to be so loved by my family things, parents...